Profit Ponderer Gifts

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Unethical? What do you mean, unethical?'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Fenster, this memo accurately describes the human condition...but our job is to generate profits, not insights.'

'Unfortunately, this here is the intellectual property he took with him when he left.'

'According to our research only ten percent of what we do is reprehensible, but it accounts for one hundred percent of our profits.'

"The Big Bang Theory? I want to see you come up with the Big Bucks theory!"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

How's business?

"Well the good news is that we now know what DOESN'T work."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

Desmond's final day at the company coincided with his suggestion to improve their environmental record by foregoing a small portion of profits.

I was hoping they would be a little more obscene.

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

'This is the point where we sold our collective souls.'

'I had always thought a gazillion was some made up number.'

'All our money is tied up in profits.'

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

"Civic responsibility, ethics, and a dedication to the people we serve; they're killing our business."

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

"We apparently exceeded our expectations but, do any of you remember what they were?"

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

A group of businessmen read a profit chart that reads "Lousy"

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'Somehow, somewhere, someone's skimming the profits.'

Cancel that turkey and prawn sandwich...

"A warmer planet means more fridge sales!"

"This is all very boring..."

'Before our weapons are used to destroy the planet we should drink the profit away!'