Product Labeling Gifts

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Let's get organized

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"But, if I don't peel off the entire label, the label wins."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"I know I said you could retitle your office, but..."

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

Chiantis In Translation

A house is full of signs directing where things are stored.

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Lack of Nutrition Information

Celebrity clothing.

'What were you saying a minute ago, about not being able to judge a wine by its label?'

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'This soup must be loaded with additives. The label says that 'frequent use of this product requires periodic liver function tests'.'

Roseanne4

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

Health food and junk food

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"Artificial coloring, artificial flavoring, artificial glop, artificial slop, artificial this, artificial that..."

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

'Do you remember when food had food in it?'

Food Formerly Sold As Milk/Food Formerly Made with Sugar/Food Formerly Known as Meat/Food Former Fried.