Ingredient Label Enthusiasts Gifts

"... stearic acid, amylase, sodium stearoyl lactylate and — hold on. What in the world is C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

Lack of Nutrition Information

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

From coach potato to kitchen potato!

'Well, SURE our customers want more nutritional information, but what about OUR privacy?'

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."