Ingredient Label Enthusiasts Pillows

"... stearic acid, amylase, sodium stearoyl lactylate and — hold on. What in the world is C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Honest Vending

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

Lack of Nutrition Information

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

Roseanne4

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

From coach potato to kitchen potato!

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."