Playful Food Label Enthusiast Gifts

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

"If dinner was a reality TV show broccoli would be the first thing I'd vote off!!"

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'It's a chocolate patch!'

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

From the Big Book of Childhood Realizatons: No. 3,271

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

Prince.

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

"It says it tastes like the real thing and includes directions on how to start a food fight."

"Do you have a white on the fruity side, with maybe a possum on the label?"

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'Stop text-messaging your alphabet soup.'

'Not eucalyptus leaves again!'

"I read all package labels for my health. Now my eyes are shot!"

'Why don't we hide the broccoli instead of the eggs?'

'This looks good. The first ingredient is calories.'

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

I've heard the crab here is extremely fresh.

'A masters in nutrition, Ph.D. in biochemistry - you'll be perfect for writing our labels.'

"This brand of sugar looks good. The first ingredient is whole wheat flour."