Product Choice Ponderer Gifts

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Call me?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

Max Weber

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"Woah - random!"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."