Menu Ponderer Gifts

"Delivery."

The thinker in a restaurant

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'How is the water prepared?'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"I want my job back."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Sorry I've got Writer's Block.

If a cell phone vibrates in the woods, does anyone give a damn?

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

Remainders Shop

"I feel bad about eating them...but they're so yummy."

'Life's a swamp and then you croak.'

'Who crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg?' Francis has always struggled with philosophy.

Wind-up Writer

"They finally got around to reviewing his browsing history..."

The virtual vanity mirror.

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

Physician, Reboot Thyself

'The company bought you a health club membership, and now you want to take sick leave?'

'Psst! Wanna buy some people food?'

Student Loan Interest Rates.