Product Choice Ponderer T-Shirts

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Call me?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

Max Weber

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Woah - random!"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'