Procrastination Professional Gifts

"Summer is over, Richard, so deal with it and start raking!"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"We've had to introduce measures lately to stop the entomology department from knocking off early on a Friday."

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and he can avoid work his whole life."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

'Why must you wait till the last minute to do all your Christmas shoplifting?'

Screensaver

'Try to look a little more animated, Herb ... The boss just asked me if you were dead.'

'True, hard work has never hurt me - oh, Sarcasm!'

"At some point we'll have to focus on training, rather than just batting at the cursor."

"Well, I got up so early...that I rewarded myself with a few extra hours of sleep."

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

"I found the perfect website for the employees with too much space between their ears. It's called 'spacebook'."

"This is a work station, Jackson!"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"It says here that if you read stuff on an electronic device you can miss the big picture."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."