Procrastinating Dieter Gifts

"What happened to your dieting regime."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

Shrink

'I've got a perfect investment plan: For half my money, I'll buy cookie plant stocks and for the the other half, I'll buy diet pill makers stocks!'

Woman and scales.

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ