Frustrated Dieter Gifts

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'You lie!'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't what they used to be."

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'I've got a perfect investment plan: For half my money, I'll buy cookie plant stocks and for the the other half, I'll buy diet pill makers stocks!'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'