Resistant Dieter Gifts

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

Chocs away.

"I'm a monster."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Woman and sport trainer

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

Healthy Eating Fast

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'You lie!'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

"I used to be a vegetarian, but I fell off the meat wagon."

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

A balanced diet is a cake in each hand.

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

The Sprats

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

All Snack Foods 1/2 Off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty! (Published originally on Feb. 6 2015).

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

Rice Cakes Gone Wild

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"