Anti-dieter Gifts

"Do you mind if I have my dinner at Dave's? His wife isn't on a diet."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'You're going to go on a diet.'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'I believe in living life to the fullest.'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'You lie!'

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Rescued, at last, from quinoa

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

'Yes, finally, Stanley found a diet that really help him to lose weight.'

"Dieting all morning, and for what?!"