Anti-dieter Gifts

"Do you mind if I have my dinner at Dave's? His wife isn't on a diet."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'You're going to go on a diet.'

'I believe in living life to the fullest.'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

'You lie!'

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Rescued, at last, from quinoa

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

'Yes, finally, Stanley found a diet that really help him to lose weight.'

'Do you have any diet?'