Dieting Deceptor Gifts

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Critisize your weight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).