Aspiring Dieter Gifts

'I've really cut back on the pasta. If I'm somehow chosen, I'm determined to fit in the medium-sized vestments.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Fat man on scales.

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Shrink

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'