Dieting Hopeful Gifts

"Sorry, I only weigh one person at a time."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

Fat man on scales.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Shrink

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'