Processed Food Ponderer Gifts

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"It says these chicken nuggets are from parts unknown."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hello, are you an endangered species or can I eat you?'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

Optimist, Pessimist, Surrealist.

"Olive, twist, or vole?"

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"Delivery."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

"Finally they agreed to meet you, but remember, no matter what they say, you hold your tongue."

"This is going to ruin my ratio of protein to vegetables."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Fruits and vegetables

"If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?"

"You know, lentils have twice as much protein per serving."

"All I'm saying, Dear, is that sometimes I get tired of vegetarian restaurants!"

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

Nigel finds the Higgs boson.