Procedure Comedian Gifts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'He does.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Yes, I'm alone."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'Where my balls go?'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

Nurse cautioning a patient

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

'It's a routine operation.'

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

'Spin GP'