Procedural Pirate Gifts

'Let's not go by the book.'

No caption. (On a pirate ship various flags fly, including flags with a skull and crossbones and other banners showing logos from various social media sites. On the boat deck below, a pirate is looking at his cell phone).

Music downloads

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

'...the storm raged and the doctor got drunk to steady his nerves..'

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

'If you only learn one thing while you're here kid, remember, the cherry filled ones are mine!'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

Punishment for Software Piracy.

"There's something very wrong with this picture, detective."

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

"We don't bury treasure anymore - it's all in bitcoin."

Financial Pirates

"Give me a couple years, and I can answer your simple question about the new regulations."

Google Earth For Pirates

'Business as usual, baby - Wall Street is back!'

"I can watch more 'Law & Order' than any man in this bar."

Pirate

"The suspect is roughly 55 feet tall and quite possibly green."

The Executioner's Identity Lineup

An executive walks the plank during a boardroom meeting.

'Freelancing might be a viable option.'

"Here's another good one, some bloke reckons we should pay for software!"

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

Pirate King

Pirate Captain, with his hook accessories, in his kitchen.

Little girl playing pirates with her dog.

Pirates of the Carob Bean. Hand over all your chocolate substitute ingredients!

It has the capabilities of a smartphone. I call it the "iPatch"!

'I have to download a software patch for my eyePhone.'

'Ok, I may have abused my download privileges,'

"Of course we have evidence. The whole thing was captured on video."