Pro Bedtime Reader Gifts

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Bedtime story.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

Sleeping masks

'Let's get a few things straight. No speed reading, no silly voices, no skipping pages...'

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

The Invention of Reading in Bed.

'I'm a vestal virgin.'

'And so we come to the concluding episode of Barthelmew Cubbins and the 500 hats.'

'Certainly not, Philip! And calling me Babe will get you nowhere!'

"It's a terrible hiccup you got there. . . let me help you.. I made a dent in the car today!"

Death reads a bedtime story.

Fifty Shades of Yellow

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"How's your beer coming, Eddie?"