Bedtime Readers Gifts

'Certainly not, Philip! And calling me Babe will get you nowhere!'

Sleeping man uses his beard as a book mark.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Bedtime story.

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

Fairtale prosecutions.

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"