Bedtime Reading Gifts

Kid reading Tolstoy's 'War and Peace' as Dad brings in 'The Three Bears'.

Reading in bed.

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."