Private Schooling Advocates Gifts

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

Yummy Mummies

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Common Core Family Therapy

"This is my last day. My parents found a more expensive school on the East Side."

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

'Boy or girl, straight or gay - I don't care as long as it's science-literate and non-republican.'

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

'Me, I'm home-schooled: Getting to and from school was taking too much of my time...'

"I'm afraid your M.B.A. loses some of its lustre in light of the fact that you were home-schooled."

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

"Son, we didn't spend a fortune on your education so you can 'just be yourself.'"

Someone should stop the school from taking the webcam photos of the students. The kid's parents are suing the school. Excellent. Which means our taxes will be wasted on lawyers. Someone else should stop them! My sentiments exactly.

''Increase education funding'? -- You want the people to get SMART?'

'Never mind about Jamie Oliver - how does Delia Smith feel about it?'

"Can we get you another soda, Johnny?"

"I feel like you're limiting me to correct answers."

'Teacher layoffs adverted.'

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.

"I thought we were hosting a group of parents who wanted to complain about critical race theory and sex education. . ."

Year Zero

"I was completely home-schooled. My masters degree is from my grandfather, my Ph.D is from my aunt Sarah."

Inspector of schools

'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'

"Why am I being trained on obsolete equipment?"

Crowded Schools

"Before we have our Maths lesson, a word from our sponsor"

Long queue for teacher recrutiment.'They're all bankers'

'Making all of our district schools more adept at teaching math and science sounds like a good idea. Run it by legal first.'