Private School Educator Gifts

'I hear your headmaster's only listed in Who's Who.'

'I learned how to say 'sod the poor' in Latin.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Campaign for Plain English

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Yummy Mummies

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

The Evolution Of Man.

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'Home Schooling'

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

Early Learning Today

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

The lesser of two evils.

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Boy scout replaces Atlas during Bob-a-Job Week.

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

"This is my last day. My parents found a more expensive school on the East Side."

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'

"They grow up so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was in the third grade. Wait, it was yesterday!"

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Snacks for Learners

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"