Private Equity Manager Gifts

'I'm a private equity manager. I'm more of a rescuer of businesses.'

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Build Your Own Portfolio

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market investment advice

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Flat tax - equal burden?

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'