Private Equity Manager Pillows

'I'm a private equity manager. I'm more of a rescuer of businesses.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market investment advice

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

Flat tax - equal burden?

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'