Prison Series Fan Gifts

'First time inside?'

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Back in 2 to 5 years.

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

Preferred Prisons

'It's windy this morning.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"You're doing 20-to-life. What do you mean you haven't got time to floss?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

'I do my bit to keep crime off the streets...I stay in one night a week.'

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

Prison decorating

Identity theft. You?

'God, how I hate bent coppers.'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'