Prison Quirks Enthusiast Gifts

A white collar criminal's first day. I'm new here. How much do we tip the guards?

'Let's get a kitty.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"You ever done time?"

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

The Man in the Iron Basque!

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Jackie Chan caught you? Now, that's a coincidence - Charlie Chan caught me!'

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

Santa visits prison.

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

'Juries have never liked me.'

WARDEN, 'You're a bad influence around here, Murdock!'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

Listen. I'll change it in 30 - 60 days. Just use the yard until then.

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

Uli Hoeness

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'