Principled Eaters Gifts

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Strained Carrots Again? What am I being punished for this time?'

"Is it free-range?"

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'Rob is a vegan.'

"How 'local' is the fish?"