Philosophical Eater Gifts

"I am haunted by the idea that the basic axioms on which the arithmetic is based may invalidate these computations."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

View to the Future

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Carpe pizza"

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'