Dining Philosopher Gifts

'You owe us a tenner.'

'Are you sure this meatloaf is kosher?'

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I'm in a hurry so I'll have what he's having... go take it from him!"

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Carpe pizza"

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"