Prickly Personalities Pillows

"Daddy always begged me not to marry a cactus farmer!"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

Real Estate Personals

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bald man with a brush on his head

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"I'm sorry but I can't bring the dessert menu until you at least try to finish your peas and carrots, it's policy."

'He's very fussy about his food.'

Cactus Man.

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

It's an unwritten law. Guys can like only two kinds of flowering plants - a cactus with thorns or that one that eats flies.

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

Monster Club. It's difficult to get this entire group to a ball game. Yeah, Dracula will go only on bat day. King Kong has to be in the upper deck. Jekyll and Hyde only go to double-headers. There must be a full moon for the werewolf to go. And of course The Hulk will only sit atop the Fenway Park left field wall. Yeah, he loves the green monster! Red Sox.

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

Say it with cacti

Man with balloons about to bump into a woman with a cactus

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'

We have a lot in common. I'm free range and he's off the leash.

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

"No thanks, I prefer salmon."

'You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a little different.'

Conclusions Drawn: Still lives at home with Mom and Dad.

'I've told you before, I don't like broccoli.'

"Of course I won. I was already a winner. I didn't even have to run the race."

"I wish he'd taketh away broccoli!"

The Odd Duck