Prickly Personality Appreciator Pillows

'i don't know why people find me offensive, you tell me, you silly old bad headed twit.'

Passive Aggressive

Wagging Dog

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

A Prickly Pair

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

'Puppies' at that playful stage where he likes to rearrange the furniture.'

'Yes, Super-Supreme pizza... Delivered please...'

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

Flatware Follies.

"I'm sorry but I can't bring the dessert menu until you at least try to finish your peas and carrots, it's policy."

Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

'We've got a problem - They're starting to enjoy it.'

'Dr Seuss is awarded a PHD.'

'There there how were you to know it wasn't Jeremy Beadle.'

Foolish Sid turns to look, and is immediately tackled and devoured by the duck.

'Right, I'll see the chap who thinks he's a fly next.'

"Are you binge watching again?"

"It's not a sexual thing - I just enjoy dressing up in sheep's clothing."

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

"Santa gets away with it because it shakes like a bowl full of jelly, not beer."

A Drive-By Glutening

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

Log in, paper out.

'It's either a crank call or some idiot's set his loin cloth on fire.'

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"