Prickly Humor Pillows

Man with balloons about to bump into a woman with a cactus

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Astral Projection

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Family members!

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."