Prickly Humor Pillows

Man with balloons about to bump into a woman with a cactus

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Ostriches making out

Family members!

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."