Persnickety Person Pillows

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Perks

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

'I know it's cold up here, but you can't attain enlightenment wearing a hat like THAT.'

"Honey, I just got 't-boned' off I-80 West of Omaha!"

'I'm screwed...'

Fresh hamsters on a stick.

Cactus Man.

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Psychiatrist with phrenology chart, reads bumps on head.

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up this office, and you'll pay the price.'

"Soldier, you're out of uniform ..."

'She doesn't just hold a conversation, she strangles it.'

"Daddy always begged me not to marry a cactus farmer!"

'i don't know why people find me offensive, you tell me, you silly old bad headed twit.'

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

"I need the answers to tomorrow's history test."

The Odd Duck

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

A sneaky, hungry elephant...

Squirrel stealing golf balls

"You're lucky this job became available, our firm has an unusually low staff turnover."

"Just what do you think you're up to?"

"Deadly gas is escaping from Uranus!"