Price Skeptics Gifts

Gas Prices

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

Beef Stew.

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Moanathon.

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

EuroPygmees

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

'. . . What if we sell Britain as an offshore platform to the EU and lease it back from them?'

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Bloody HS2

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

Victims of Financial Consultant's

'If we only had a mailing address, we could get a pre-approved credit card application.'

"Expensive? Yes, but I don't exploit my mother."

The worst is over...the worst is yet to come.