Pretentious Palate Enthusiast Gifts

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

"He's such a fussy eater."

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"I don't like to complain, but this cud is a bit overchewed."

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Foodies at a Diner. We'll have the alphabet soup, unless it's Helvetica or Times New Roman.

"I'll have the carrot cake, hold the carrots."

"Leftovers"

"I may not know art, but I know what I like."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"I'll have the chef."

"We grind our own catnip."

Pig asking whether the farmers truffles are 'Rum or Champagne?'

Singles Night: 'No, no, it's not you, the problem's with me - it's just that I'm cursed with good taste.'

'They're hard to find my Love, but I've managed to gather your favourites: Stick insects...'

New Acquisitions at the Museum of Modern Food

'And a hint of oak.'

"I Hate Salad."

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

The EU rolls back US wine imperialism. Chateau Postmoderne has undertones of angst, fragmentation and self-doubt, mixed with an intriguing gout de desespoir.

A man doffs his head in passing.

Canadian Standoff

Two Amateur Artists At Dinner

I asked a lady if she wanted to grab a kale smoothie with me. She totally ignored me. Of course she did. Very few ladies are interested in a guy who latches on to the latest fads. It suggests you've got a roving eye, and you'll leave her for someone new later on. Most women like a man who's "classic." Solid. Reliable. Unmoved by the ever-changing winds. That's why I eat nothing but nuts, berries and hippos. If it was good enough for the cavemen, it's good enough for me. I thought cavemen ate bro

'An old-looking guy held the door for me today, and called me 'sir'.'

It's all in how you ask ("Want some coffee?")

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

As terrific as she was at painting....