Pretentious Dining Explorers Gifts

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Platter confusion.

'How was the squid?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

Executive Tacos

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'Your bill sir.'

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

"Oh, we've been a theme restaurant for about a month now."

"And for your entree, sir?"

"We call this Casual/Retro dining. You get up and make your own PB&J back in the kitchen."

"We grind our own catnip."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

Drinks same as table decoration

'Soup's off.'

'Your businessman's lunch, sir — Raw meat and whiskey.'

"Y a qué de la salade?"

"Welp, where else do you wanna eat?"

'Is anything O.K.?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

"Catch of the day. We got lucky."