Unpretentious Dining Appreciator Gifts

"We pride ourselves on being a very unpretentious establishment."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Who gets the decaf?'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Advanced footsie

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."