Press Conference Buff Pillows

'We've negotiated a contract in which my client agrees to always give it 104 percent.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Presenter Auditions.

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"Welcome to 'All About the Media,' where members of the media discuss the role of the media in media coverage of the media."

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

'Fred, with the market off over 500 points, we thought we might modify your call-in program today.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'I'm a voice over artist.'

Dollars Press Conference

'If the following program sounds silly, it's because it's a a paid political announcement....'

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'Day is day and night is night. That's the opinion of the management of this station. Here with a rebuttal, is attorney...'

'This is just a thought, but maybe we could try animated anchormen.'

"They want to see more snow on your hat next time. . . ."

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

The passing of a radio/tv personality.

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

Nicholas Parsons RIP

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"Ah, summertime! Robert Potts is sitting in for Jim Jensen, who is sitting in for Harry Reasoner, who is sitting in for Walter Cronkite, who is on vacation."

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

New symbol for Public TV: 'The tin cup' (PBS)

"When you quote a Presidential candidate, Gorman, you do not—I repeat—do not roll your eyes."