Press Conference Critic Pillows

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"Trump's election victory was intended by God!"

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

Dollars Press Conference

President Grant denies Ambitions for 3rd Term- A 'Blighting Effect' on Newspaper Editors

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

The Jeremy Corbyn Smear-Athon

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

"Road? What particular road are we talking about here? You'll have to be more specific..."

The main reason I came out of hiding? FOMO."

Isolated fits of enthusiasm erupt at the annual I don't know I just work here convention.

"I miss expense accounts."

"...were in fact not victims but just had a really, really hard time getting out of bed this morning."

'I have time for 3 more of those politically booby-trapped minefields you call questions.'

"For a change of pace, you shout and answer and I'll make up a question."

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

Diddly

James Bennett (NY Herald Editor) Parodied as Nick Bottom with the Illusion of Pres. Grant's 'Caesarism'

The media became obsessed with the idea of 'The Most Important Potato Chip in the Bag'.

"I will not run for re-election so I can spend more time with my role officer."

'Hurry up, coach. Pick one.. you're late for the press conference.'

God Gives His First Press Conference

'I'm sorry, but a night of passion with your wife isn't going to sell papers...'

'After much thought and consideration, I've decided to remain as coach of the team in order to spend less time with my family.'

"I'm stepping down to spend more time with my chin."

"I can assure you . . .at NO TIME during MY presidency, did any ORATORY take place!"

"That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now evade your questions."

"I can say with certainty that we can all look forward to a great summer season."

'Excuse me could we concentrate on the seminar please.'