Press Conference Survivor Pillows

'Hurry up, coach. Pick one.. you're late for the press conference.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

Dollars Press Conference

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

The main reason I came out of hiding? FOMO."

'I have time for 3 more of those politically booby-trapped minefields you call questions.'

"...were in fact not victims but just had a really, really hard time getting out of bed this morning."

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

"The aliens that control my brain really want me to get this job."

"For a change of pace, you shout and answer and I'll make up a question."

Diddly

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

"Hell and back. Very impressive."

"Your credentials are certainly impressive."

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

"Trump's election victory was intended by God!"