Press Conference Pro Pillows

'After much thought and consideration, I've decided to remain as coach of the team in order to spend less time with my family.'

'I had a great game, but - hey. It's not about my stats. It's all about how much money I make every time I walk onto that court.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"The success of the guillotine helped it's inventor get ahead...let me rephrase that..."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

New World Orders

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

President Grant denies Ambitions for 3rd Term- A 'Blighting Effect' on Newspaper Editors

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

Dollars Press Conference

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'We're running late and I have much to cover. Can you hold your eight-part question for later?'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

Telework Pants

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

'Umm, well, thank you Mr. Snuggles for that unorthodox report on 'To kill a mockingbird'.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"Were you going to say something, or were you just going to chew your cud?"

'I'm the keynote speaker at the Shining Light Leadership Seminar.'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Half-dressed Covid pizza special."

'I'm going to begin with a joke so we can get the humor out of the way.'

Step out-- speak up

"Did you give me the finger?"

'Without further ado, I will now choose my favourite microphone.'

The main reason I came out of hiding? FOMO."

"...were in fact not victims but just had a really, really hard time getting out of bed this morning."

'I have time for 3 more of those politically booby-trapped minefields you call questions.'