Prescription Humorist Gifts

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"Could you prescribe something where I'd be totally blissed out but still follow the NASDAQ?"

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'This is the same prescription that you always refill except that the name has been changes to make it easier to pronounce.'

'Don't shoot those Canadian geese - they're delivering our prescription drugs!'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Cat Scan

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Doctor in a cake

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."