Prescription Humor Gifts

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

43rd Annual Doctors Convention

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

"If you feel the hear pounding rush of first love, all your doctor."

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

'Since taking Prozac I only chase parked cars'

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

'You seem much better since they upped my medication.'

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

'I've been on this stuff and I'll tell ya, the side effects go great with a bottle of pinot grigio.'

Stool Softener

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'