Joke Prescription Gifts

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

43rd Annual Doctors Convention

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"If you feel the hear pounding rush of first love, all your doctor."

Standup Pharmacist

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Take 3 tablets 200 times a day.'

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

'Not exactly what I expected when they announced a random drug screening.'

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'

"He told me to take 3 pills twice a day or 7 pills every other day or 23 pills once a week. I think it's a placebo."