Joke Prescription Gifts

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

MD. Take this prescription to any grandma and get some milk and cookies.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

43rd Annual Doctors Convention

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

"If you feel the hear pounding rush of first love, all your doctor."

Standup Pharmacist

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Take 3 tablets 200 times a day.'

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

'Not exactly what I expected when they announced a random drug screening.'

'We had a little trouble mixing your prescription. Can you stop back in 20 minutes?'

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'