Pharmaceutical Humor Gifts

Ask your doctor if Hallucinogenix® is right for you!

"That new drug causes flatulence."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Sea of Tranquillity

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

We need to up your dosage or lower mine.

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

R. Dough, M.D. - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat & Big Pharma Stock.

Leo and Florence Wolfe play medication commercial BINGO during the nightly news.

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

Standup Pharmacist

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

Werewolf prone? Try our MoonBlock.

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

Stool Softener

Push In And Turn

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'

"I feel so calm and relaxed when we're together."

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."