Medication Humorist Gifts

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

'And this is where my meds kicked in.'

'Since taking Prozac I only chase parked cars'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

'I'm not allowed to operate heavy equipment while taking this medication. What do you think the stove weighs?'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'Take two pills, three times daily. Use force if necessary.'

T-Rx

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

"This medication may cause jitteriness, weird dreams, dry mouth, diarrhea and the Monday blues that lasts a week."

"He says he's feeling 'divine', but I think it's the medication talking."

'You seem much better since they upped my medication.'

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"My doctor has me on a lot of prescriptions."

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

If you're still not suffering fools gladly in two weeks, we'll up the dosage.

M.D. The little red pills attack your symptoms while the little green pills create a diversion.

What's this? It's all aspirin and vitamins! You said to bring back "pillage."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'