Prescription Comedians Gifts

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

Stay away from Pigs.

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"Is there room for me?"

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

Music

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

'I want to see a doctor who understands that I don't want to see him.'

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

Scavenenger's hunt.

'Talk about rough courses!'

'I'm not taking any more of those Tranquillizers. I'm being nice to people I don't even want to talk to!'

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

'Your headache is due to eye strain. Take two tons of aspirin and call me in the morning.'

'This is the same prescription that you always refill except that the name has been changes to make it easier to pronounce.'

"Could you prescribe something where I'd be totally blissed out but still follow the NASDAQ?"

'Could I get this in an 'easy to swallow' coating?'

Airline queues.

'Don't shoot those Canadian geese - they're delivering our prescription drugs!'

'Motorway services, Full English Breakfast only �350.99p

"Oh Oh... I Think I'm Stuck!"