Prescription Comedians Gifts

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

Stay away from Pigs.

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

"Is there room for me?"

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'You've gotta help me! I can't read my own writing!'

'Fill it up, hold the cotton.'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

Music

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

'I want to see a doctor who understands that I don't want to see him.'

Scavenenger's hunt.

'Talk about rough courses!'

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

'I'm not taking any more of those Tranquillizers. I'm being nice to people I don't even want to talk to!'

"Could you prescribe something where I'd be totally blissed out but still follow the NASDAQ?"

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

'Could I get this in an 'easy to swallow' coating?'

'Your headache is due to eye strain. Take two tons of aspirin and call me in the morning.'

'This is the same prescription that you always refill except that the name has been changes to make it easier to pronounce.'

Airline queues.

"Oh Oh... I Think I'm Stuck!"

'Motorway services, Full English Breakfast only �350.99p

'Don't shoot those Canadian geese - they're delivering our prescription drugs!'