Medication Comedians Gifts

'I'm not taking any more of those Tranquillizers. I'm being nice to people I don't even want to talk to!'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'